Wenn im Puff...

i thought puff translated as smoking puff
and i expected this play to be about smoking pot
but puff means brothel in kölsch
so i had a much different experience than anticipated!

the actors were ridiculous
the plot was typical mistaken identity,
men being handcuffed together in their underwear,
the corpse of a rich old lady being stuffed into a chest,
you know, the usual.

i really enjoyed it!
it was featured in the newspaper this morning, too::

old dragon lady

this old dragon stepped
all over my brand new toms
on the train home today!
...she looked at me
and didn't apologize.

my instant reaction included
calling her an old bitch (!!!)
and threatening to de-wig her.
watch out for her!

then again i did look like waldo today:::
(still no excuse for scuffing my toms!) :)

bad news

so remember that shit day i had
where the asshole bike salesman told me
that my bike was a piece of garbage?
well frau beerbaum showed me the newspaper
and this fecal excuse for a bike shop
was featured in the local section!
what a fucking joke!



fucking asshole!

teeny weenies

so even though i swore i wouldn't
i'm watching the tiny tots season of antm
honestly, who can resist?
these girls are actually pretty
despite the ridiculous shit tyra does to them
like bleaching all of their eyebrows
so they look like cancer survivors.
the asian bug lady is finally going to win this season!

rock em sock em

i saw a soccer game this past sunday
with the son-in-law of my host granny.
he was incredibly nice;
he bought me curry wurst and beer,
he sells natural resources,
and we went with 2 of his clients.
i forgot how crazy sports fans get!
oh, and f.c. köln (the home team) lost.

nostalgia

in some ridiculous, uncomprehensible way
i understand when katharine said that she
had a great deal of nostalgia for williamsburg.
it was so simple and easy. uninspiring perhaps but easy.
i'll always remember our times there together.
nothing can replace the insanity!

shit. day.

fuck bike sellers here.
the third one told me my bike was a piece of shit,
that the front tire looked like a banana,
that i should just throw it away
before i end up in the hospital.
asshole!
the other two at least told me that
the only problem was with the back wheel
which i knew and
despite their vastly varying prices
agreed on the misalignment problem.
it's raining too
and i had to share the bus with 3 baby carriages
and a shit load of people
with my bike in hand, back and forth.

counteractive measure to my overwhelming depression include:
crepes, indian food, antm / true blood, and not doing my homework
i can't wait to be in berlin!

oh, and i had a dream last night about how frau beerbaum
ran a prostitution ring, and in my dream i lay next to her in bed
while she got fucked by an old man for 739 euros.
disgusting.

street puppets

street shots at night!
the window displays look so much better in the dark.
these were taken near the gay district in cologne.
surprised?

hidden fees

$311.88 extra charges for the governor's square apartment
where i haven't lived for a long, long time
(the apartment was described as a "filthy unit"!)
and the potential german test i slept through
are not good additions to a rainy day!
(still without functioning bike, no less)

love notes

any better way to signal a descent into insanity than
collected screen captures from MORE TO LOVE???
aka my latest trash TV obsession:
(http://www.fox.com/moretolove/)













if anyone can find a way to watch the latest episodes online
(outside of hulu)
lemme know please!

foreign objects

this is back from the hirshhorn in d.c.
just one of many things i miss about feeling at home
where foreigners are other people
and they're the ones who act out of the ordinary
and it's not me :)

bow-legg'd

i miss fouad a lot!





a lot a lot a lot!

turtle

this
has

no
deeper

meaning,
right?

frau beerbaum

meet frau beerbaum. i live in her attic!
she feeds me meat and cheese, bread and butter, and homemade jam.
her dead wasps live in my bathtub.
what else? oh yeah, nothing.

city shots (08.08.2009)

a few square shots from last month::

superheroes

amsterdam was fun.
besides witnessing these amazing people, i was unconscious in the streets at one point, my face twitching against the wet ground. fun! two random people helped me up and got the bartender, who force fed me some pills and a sugary drink to perk me right back up! i ended up having the energy to get lost for 4 more hours, wait outside the same gas station i had peed behind earlier in the day (in the pouring rain), and drag my bedraggled, soppy body to bed. all in all a most memorable trip!

diseased!

mucus meltdown + stink eye = not fun

chamomile face baths + overwhelming sympathy = ideal

today i will face the most difficult decisions of my life!