strawberries, sand, spontaneity

saturday trip to rostock included alien-looking strawberry booths,
descended from the skies during the night to deliver fresh fruits,
full of parasites and sugar... also alien larvae to infest some GUTS.


the trip was pretty last minute, with nothing set up officially,
but the rush of jumping onto a train without set plans is always nice.
i would never have seen such great advertising otherwise!


there was an unexplained street festival per usual,
with disgusting fish sandwiches and bizarre dance performances.
(kids in wigs stripping to raunchy music is included in said performances)


kristie and elaine made the trip memorable.
these sunglasses are killer and from south africa.
we were sitting on the stolen lufthansa blanket here.


kites in the sky. sand on the ground. wind in the hair.
i really love this photo! it'll make it into the photo book :)

eHow: How To Bullshit Properly

here are the finished efforts of a late night shoot with jessica,
who pretended to be my expert speech pathologist for eHow,
and did a really great job reading off of a website
in front of my FlipVideo camera with table lamps
pointed haphazardly at her face. I really enjoy the final product!



Here's what eHow had to say in response:
"We have reviewed your segment on Whistling. While the expert is charismatic, there are some issues that need to be addressed. Mainly, we did not feel that the image quality was up to par. The subject appeared out of focus, and she was positioned against an unflattering white wall. The location used was not dynamic for video, and the subject was not properly lit. Per the format guidelines we suggest that you place the subject at least five feet away from the wall as to avoid shadows, and increase the depth of field. The expert very clearly kept glancing off screen to refer to her notes, which diminishes her authority on the subject. In the materials needed section, close ups of individual items is supposed to be shown. And in the steps graphics there were title casing issues. For example, the step Draw back lips should instead be Draw Back Lips. The audio also did not sound as if a proper lav had been used. Due to these concerns this assignment has been denied. Please consult the guidelines located in the Resource Center if you have any questions regarding the content we are seeking. Thank you for your efforts and cooperation"

lieblingsfotos: jessica

one of the few times our program participants are shown
interacting with the Bundestag. Notice the fence!


beer pong or volleyball? lounging in treptower park made fun.
don't think i forgot to mention that Oomph! shirt either.
(I'm mentioning it now.)


the winter was harsh. a bombardment of snow induced turtle mode.
we both survived potsdamn here and in general.


berlin at its best. jessica and daniel (not her brother)
enjoy the sporadic beautiful weather and warmth.


dyslexic honey bees, beer and goths. what else is there to ask for?
missing you a lot!

rosebuds

despite the drama the good times continue.
christopher street day featured some ridiculous characters,
packs of gays eying one another, sometimes sneaking into
the bushes to exchange favors in one way or another.


most importantly: i saw a prolapsed asshole for the first time,
a tattooed one none the less, surrounded by assless leather chaps.
the owner was bending over, helping someone puke.
talk about lucky opportunities! sadly no photo of said gaping hole.


will the rainbow ever be replaced?
does eating skittles show one's gay pride?
would tattooing a rainbow around one's rosebud be a good thing?


i can't help but think of freddy j. gonzales when i look at this.
i told his legend recently, and it reminded me how wild my life used to be.
(used to?)


next year i want to get dressed up. no angel wings though.
too cliche. a nice puffy something or other would make a better costume :)

couch potato chips

living with friends (elaine and konrad),
not traveling 2.5+ hrs every day,
not having to eat packwiches,
not having to sneak around after 11 pm
(since people actually are night active),
playing my music, saying whatever,
feeling comfortable and being myself
(without having to listen to the drone
of a television or the hum of a computer screen
masking misery in the background)
is all so much better that i could have expected!

my regional rep called my work today to chat.
she wants to meet tomorrow for lunch and
it'll be interesting and challenging not to bring up
the fact that these former hosts were nothing but
boring couch potatoes who find jokes about
the physically disabled hilarious.

time to smear or time to cheer?

escaped

so i pushed the reset button on this whole host fam situation
and now is the official time when i fled.
i went out dancing with daniel just a few hours ago,
and he agreed to help me pack up and escape right now.
i'm spending the night with him and couldn't be happier!
on to freedom and independence and collecting empty bottles!

ich habe die Nase voll

jumping ship.
getting the fuck out of potsdamn.
mostly packed already, fleeing tomorrow
and not regretting a single thing.

if i could describe my host family situation in one word
it would be 'trying'

also with this photo:

some nice and pretty things mixed
with disgusting trash and cigarettes.
self-contained in it's own small world
and inactively segregated from the outside.
(i would be the Punica bottle in this metaphor, i think)

i'll take it a step further and say that
i am ready to close the lid on this garbage
and leave the kitchen for good.

tatsache3

an einer Stelle hatte ich einen Fäkalien beschmierten Dildo weggeschmissen

reflection1

end year semmies.

going abroad taught me that most people don't change.
they experience a completely different culture, live in new settings with strangers, attend school and work in a foreign language,
and despite all of this learn essentually nil, nix, nada, null... well outside of how to be on a computer all day, that is.

it was pretty disgusting to watch most of the 71 remaining (4 dropped out) participants of my program
describe their entire year experience on the last day of our 5-day seminar using only 1 word;
'Exhausting', 'OK' and 'Can'twaitforTacoBell' were some of the worst.
All of this was in English, by the way.

It seemed like most were totally ungrateful for the scholarship
and could bond over nothing else besides complaining about its organization.
long, awkward pauses permeated most group conversations.
it was like a high school reunion for people i couldn't care less about -
the types that have the privelege to visit the US Embassy
and litter their empty Dr. Pepper cans all over the well-trimmed courtyard grass.
the types that find 'that's what she said' jokes hilarious.
the types who show up drunk the first and last day.
the boreling, tree types.

i just don't understand the point of accepting a prestigious scholarship to stay abroad for free
and spend the whole year full of misery, complaints and mcdonalds.
but that's just me, i suppose.

TOTAL DISCONNECT.

i've changed though. just look!

murders and executions

i've decided to make a photo book to culminate the year.
it'd be a shame if i didn't, and expect it to be amazing.
end year thoughts coming soon...

Oomph!

i ate 3 chicken döners in 1 day... a new personal record!
some fatlings could eat that in one sitting for an appetizer. one day!


beer pong in treptower park turned out the be really fun,
as well as volleyball with some guy who licked mayo off the ball at one point.
very delicious overall!


jessica can braid some ukranian president-inspired hair!
candice and i became hair twins (we were already sickness twins).


jessica mixes up the gene pool and we become triplets!
the styles unfortunately didn't last forever.
perfection is temporary, i suppose.


smashed bike on street mirrored my smashed bike in potsdam.
angry drunks are the worst for beautiful wheel craftsmanship.


more jumping in the streets of berlin leads to
convulsions in the sky. i like!

Get A Room!

i need a whistling expert for work!
i made up a fake profile for a speech pathologist
named Rebecca... so i guess it needs to be a woman.
it pays nothing, but your face will be seen by
80 million people each month (more like 10 people).


copying thousands of titles to an Excel sheet is considered Research.
Who'd a thunk it?!


my bestiality spam project is still sadly in the works.
i need to accomplish more personal tasks on the job.


translating 989 eHow titles from English to German is neither
mind-numbingly tedious nor impractical, right?


the Get A Room! ad on the left is too clever.
also check out this robotic design: http://staceybelchespeech.com/

scrawled on walls

this past weekend was amazing!
jessica visited, we drank kräuter likör,
shoved shit into a washing machine for fun,
duck walked out of a bakery at 6 am,
shoved more shit into a washing machine for its actual purpose,
and enjoyed the beautiful weather thoroughly.


we found this amazing indian place with food and atmosphere
comparable to Buy Buy in Cologne. the chili chicken was delicious.


daniel and jessica expressed their joy over the indian food
through an impromptu shoot outside a berlin porn shop.


mm hot stuff! not creepy at all. no, definitely not.


we enjoyed fresh lebanese falafel 2 days in a row,
confused the falafel-maker in our german/english gibberish,
and got free tea and scharfe soße to boot! good stuff.


moments after being used this toilet becomes a work of art.
thanks, disgusting smokers for drunkenly scribbling this shit!


see you soon (in your nightmares) :)