aimless, disappointed, confused

(@ capital one headquarters; hopeful job candidate, eager to work.)

more bad news: i didn't get the senior art director associate
position with capital one.
i had to endure an overextended interview process,
a recruiter who never initiated any contact whatsoever,
and a terrible period of loneliness, self-doubt, and
an ever-draining bank account with no income.


(@ home, alone without job or local friend network, totally devastated)

what to do?
at this point i can't stand the sight of online forms,
am so tired of mass emails for positions that
don't fit my goals whatsoever.
should i settle for lowered expectations,
lowered wages and a lower value of myself?
with this job failure have i accomplished anything
in the past 2 months since being back?
what am i doing here?

caged animals photo series

autonomous consumption

as of now i still have zero income.
but in the words of metric's handshakes:
"buy this car to drive to work,
drive to work to pay for this car,
buy this car to drive to work,
drive to worrrrrrrk"

yes,
i have given in to the idea of buying a car.
this is america. i need that shit to survive.
indecisive as i am, it has been difficult decision.
what's more important? is it style, durability,
reputation, features, cost, color, or
ability to shift into a money making machine?


the chevy cobalt is nice, mainly because
it's the upgraded version of my former car,
which means it will never break down but
each ride feels like sitting in the back of a wagon.


the mitsubishi galant is most likely the safe bet.
my mama has one, and the practicality of these cars
furthers my love for japanese things.
it's relatively expensive though...


now here's a real deal of a set of wheels.
practical! popular! pristine!
pretty purty for a pair of pantsuits,
and to ideally cart me around like a lumberjack.
this expense could prove painful :(

byt = bland yearning tweakers?

despite the cool photos and showy atmosphere
this pool party left me slightly damp and disappointed.
according the BYT.com, or DC's hottest source of
alternative fun for the young, hip and fashionable,
this last summer pool party was supposed to be
a rager of epic proportions at capitol skyline hotel.


a few flake-outs, a trip south and $30 later,
fouad and i entered what seemed to be a contest
for who had the best body and the most drinks in hand.
needless to say, those in attendance,
including the shitbag who sexually assaulted me
my freshman year of college, made matters much worse.
i don't think i'll be going to these types of things
next summer or any time too soon.


see for yourself at http://www.brightestyoungthings.com/
(keep in mind appearances are deceiving)

recent recycling habits

perhaps in stark contrast to my post
about my former host family's garbage,
or maybe because i have recently taken
to photographing things in the kitchen,
here in all my pride and glory is my refuse.

did you know that tecate beer is popular in both
Mexico and California and comes from a CA city of the same name?
it is usually consumed with a lime slice and salt rim.
it's my new beer of choice since most american beers
taste like dog piss. i also love salsa.

Summer Reading List

Books I want to read/reread:
* Albert Camus - The Fall
* Ayn Rand - Atlas Shrugged
* Bret Easton Ellis - American Psycho
* Chuck Palahniuk - Survivor
* D. H. Lawerence - Sons and Lovers
* F. Scott Fitzgerald - Tender is the Night
* Hunter S. Thompson - The Rum Diary
* John Milton - Paradise Lost
* John Steinbeck - Cannery Row
* John Steinbeck - East of Eden
* Kurt Vonnegut - Cat's Cradle
* Kurt Vonnegut - Mother Night
* Milan Kundera - The Unbearable Lightness of Being
* Ray Bradbury - Fahrenheit 451
* Sylvia Plath - The Bell Jar
* Thomas Pynchon - The Crying of Lot 49
* William Faulkner - As I Lay Dying

with this excess amount of free time,
until i am working full time and stressed,
i might as well read as many books as possible
while burning myself out in the sun.

fav TV clip of all time