eHow: How To Bullshit Properly

here are the finished efforts of a late night shoot with jessica,
who pretended to be my expert speech pathologist for eHow,
and did a really great job reading off of a website
in front of my FlipVideo camera with table lamps
pointed haphazardly at her face. I really enjoy the final product!



Here's what eHow had to say in response:
"We have reviewed your segment on Whistling. While the expert is charismatic, there are some issues that need to be addressed. Mainly, we did not feel that the image quality was up to par. The subject appeared out of focus, and she was positioned against an unflattering white wall. The location used was not dynamic for video, and the subject was not properly lit. Per the format guidelines we suggest that you place the subject at least five feet away from the wall as to avoid shadows, and increase the depth of field. The expert very clearly kept glancing off screen to refer to her notes, which diminishes her authority on the subject. In the materials needed section, close ups of individual items is supposed to be shown. And in the steps graphics there were title casing issues. For example, the step Draw back lips should instead be Draw Back Lips. The audio also did not sound as if a proper lav had been used. Due to these concerns this assignment has been denied. Please consult the guidelines located in the Resource Center if you have any questions regarding the content we are seeking. Thank you for your efforts and cooperation"

lieblingsfotos: jessica

one of the few times our program participants are shown
interacting with the Bundestag. Notice the fence!


beer pong or volleyball? lounging in treptower park made fun.
don't think i forgot to mention that Oomph! shirt either.
(I'm mentioning it now.)


the winter was harsh. a bombardment of snow induced turtle mode.
we both survived potsdamn here and in general.


berlin at its best. jessica and daniel (not her brother)
enjoy the sporadic beautiful weather and warmth.


dyslexic honey bees, beer and goths. what else is there to ask for?
missing you a lot!

Oomph!

i ate 3 chicken döners in 1 day... a new personal record!
some fatlings could eat that in one sitting for an appetizer. one day!


beer pong in treptower park turned out the be really fun,
as well as volleyball with some guy who licked mayo off the ball at one point.
very delicious overall!


jessica can braid some ukranian president-inspired hair!
candice and i became hair twins (we were already sickness twins).


jessica mixes up the gene pool and we become triplets!
the styles unfortunately didn't last forever.
perfection is temporary, i suppose.


smashed bike on street mirrored my smashed bike in potsdam.
angry drunks are the worst for beautiful wheel craftsmanship.


more jumping in the streets of berlin leads to
convulsions in the sky. i like!

scrawled on walls

this past weekend was amazing!
jessica visited, we drank kräuter likör,
shoved shit into a washing machine for fun,
duck walked out of a bakery at 6 am,
shoved more shit into a washing machine for its actual purpose,
and enjoyed the beautiful weather thoroughly.


we found this amazing indian place with food and atmosphere
comparable to Buy Buy in Cologne. the chili chicken was delicious.


daniel and jessica expressed their joy over the indian food
through an impromptu shoot outside a berlin porn shop.


mm hot stuff! not creepy at all. no, definitely not.


we enjoyed fresh lebanese falafel 2 days in a row,
confused the falafel-maker in our german/english gibberish,
and got free tea and scharfe soße to boot! good stuff.


moments after being used this toilet becomes a work of art.
thanks, disgusting smokers for drunkenly scribbling this shit!


see you soon (in your nightmares) :)

oh danny boy

(buddha indian restaurant)

four photos from the weekend
to sum up my wonderful friend daniel.


(buddha indian restaurant#2)

ridiculous, quirky, fun, and kind.
honestly the most constantly positive person i know, i think.


(ben&josh's apartment aka beer pong slosh fest)

i'm really going to miss him.
he's definitely the best thing about potsdam,
arguably the best thing about germany in general, too.


(unknown apt building, hunting for human cadavers and possible parties)

black and black and feces all over

back to leipzig this weekend for an all out goth fest
and to see jessica too, of course.


i learned that goths are disgusting consumers
just like the rest of society,
and that they don't just dress like disaffected carnies
but some also like to look like LSD-addicted ravers.
well, that or halloween hotties (graphically exposed privates)


overall there weren't enough of the feral, blood thirsty kind
that chase children down dark alleyways before unhinging their jaws
and swallowing the tiny tots like tater tots... if you know what i mean.
they were more the smiling, let's-take-lame-photos-in-front-of-trees
sort of bunch, that sans human heart ate currywurst instead.


i slept on jessica's dirty laundry,
ate crepes at craig's,
and met a super bitchy visitor
whose every word incited awkward silence!
things have again been put into perspective :)


(i think she took a dump in her petticoats and/or bag)
((and i'm jealous!))

MEET SOME GOTHS:
http://www.gothscene.com/

city of faust

leipzig was fun!
jessica and i had döner, indian food, AND paprika chips.
the only thing missing was almdudler.
i need more almdudler.
i bought a sleeping bag.
i heard too much crystal castles.
i taught everyone drink while you think
and we made a bet after anna was drunk
that she would or would not make out with a bald guy.
next morning we had some pancakes
with peanut butter and nutella.
didn't i mention leipzig was fun?