practice, revision, and self-assessment

the bad:
unemployed dirty under-utilized scared shaken sore depressed sick exhausted despondent stuck unappreciative negative beaten defeated down obsessive reclusive distorted malformed selfish pig critical traumatized destructive weak

the good:
talented creative intelligent articulate interesting funny open quirky fit caring driven motivated confident deserving upstanding enthusiastic proactive strong responsive mindful renewed

SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS

as candice's omi put it:
"I need a vacation from unemployment"
i couldn't agree more!

i can't even count to how many places i've applied,
and the ones that have responded all seem to
trickle away on the steaming sewer pipe of feces
that has been my job hunt since returning to the US.

i went to SF last weekend with fouad,
to catch up with old and new friends
and to generally forget about the job hunt,
but i often found myself distracted and worried
for the fear of returning to unending unemployment
is both daunting and saddening.

i really, really hope something turns up SOON.

aimless, disappointed, confused

(@ capital one headquarters; hopeful job candidate, eager to work.)

more bad news: i didn't get the senior art director associate
position with capital one.
i had to endure an overextended interview process,
a recruiter who never initiated any contact whatsoever,
and a terrible period of loneliness, self-doubt, and
an ever-draining bank account with no income.


(@ home, alone without job or local friend network, totally devastated)

what to do?
at this point i can't stand the sight of online forms,
am so tired of mass emails for positions that
don't fit my goals whatsoever.
should i settle for lowered expectations,
lowered wages and a lower value of myself?
with this job failure have i accomplished anything
in the past 2 months since being back?
what am i doing here?

roller coaster!

emotions are tricky things...
like food! speaking of which:
37. Food is mean and sneaky. it tricks you into eating it and it works on you from the inside out making you fat, bloated, ugly and unhappy
not to mention:
11. Bones are clean and pure. Fat is dirty and hangs on your bones like a parasite
and finally (and most relevant during this time of the year):
25. I want to walk in the snow and leave no footprints

anyway it's been awhile and i gotta backtrack with the next few posts,
but for now know that i am staying sane and safe and that i hate the snow.